Vacation Details...

Saturday night (10/20) at 9:30 p.m. Mom and I started out for Charleston, SC. I drove because Mom can't see at night. =) We drove all night until 7:30 a.m. when I couldn't drive any longer! We got a hotel room and slept for 4 hours. Mom woke up raring to go! We made it to Charleston by 6:00 p.m on Sunday.

We originally booked a room in North Charleston. It looked fine on the internet, but when we got there...it was soooo ghetto! And sooo scary! Mom ran in and canceled our reservations and then we headed to downtown Charleston...not knowing where we were or where we were going to stay! Mom called several hotels and they were all booked. Finally she found us a room in the heart of Charleston for $120 a night! Yikes! But we took it...we were desperate! We checked into our rooms, ordered up food and then hit the sack.

The next morning we hit the streets bright and early! Charleston is awesome! It's so old and full of history. We had booked two walking tours for the afternoon and evening, but that morning we just took off on our own. Our hotel was in a perfect location, so we didn't have to drive anywhere. We went down to the warf and looked around. We went up and down almost every street. I couldn't stop exclaiming, "oh! Look at that house!" Everything was so beautiful.

At 1:00 we headed to the place we were supposed to join the Historic Homes walking tour. Our tour guide was 60 yrs old and full of knowledge. He was also VERY BORING! Sigh. Mom and I hung in there for an hour or so then we cut out! We toured the rest of the city on our own. We finally headed back to our hotel at dinner time. My feet were so sore! I also had ginormous blisters on my heels. My feet were so not used to being in "real shoes"! =) (side note: those stupid blisters are STILL there!)

At 7:30 that night we were scheduled for a Ghost Tour. Sounds exciting, huh? Mom is so into ghosts and stuff like that. She was very excited and because I didn't want her to miss out... I dragged my poor, aching self out on the town again. =) The tour guide encouraged us to take lots of pictures because sometimes ghosts (orbs) show up on the film. No such luck for me. Mom and I soon became bored when we realized that our tour guide was just going to tell us a bunch of stories. We thought we'd get to do fun stuff...like go in cemeteries, etc...instead we just walked right by the cemeteries. Sigh. Another super boring walking tour. So, we headed back to our hotel, ordered up food, watched The Bachelor and then hit the sack.

The next morning we checked out and drove four hours to Greenville, SC. It's a very cute town. Nothing compared to Charleston, but still super cute. Their downtown area was very tourist friendly. Mom and I just drove through though. We had very little time to check into our hotel and get ready for the SYTYCD show.

On the way to our hotel we were praying, "Please Lord don't let this one be ghetto!" At first glance it didn't look bad. I told mom we could rough it for one night. =) So, she checked us in. When we got to our room it looked like it would be fine. So, we sat down and ate our Subway sandwiches. While we were eating, we heard a noise...like someone was trying to get in our room! So, Mom boldly goes to the door and opens it. There was a guy standing there... he said that we were in his room. Mom said, "Um, no. We just checked into this room." So, he scratches his head and says, "That's weird. I stayed here last night." It turns out the motel had switched his room. So, we continue eating our sandwiches. I decided to take a quick shower before getting dressed for the show. When I went in the bathroom I noticed that there was toothpaste in the sink and hair on the floor. Eeeew! The shower looked okay though, so I jumped in real quick. Looking back, I can't believe I did that! But I didn't want to be stinky for the show. Heh. While I was in the shower, I noticed that there was a bar of soap WITH HAIR ON IT! SICK! Thank the LORD I was using my own body wash. I hurried up and got out. We didn't have time to complain to the manager before we had to leave for the show.

After the show, mom and I hurried back to the motel. We were planning to sleep for a few hours and then get up early and hit the road. Mom said, "Check the beds first! I don't want to sleep in a dirty bed!" So, I pulled the covers back on the bed that I was planning to sleep in. It was fine. All clean. No probs. I told her this. So, I got in my pjs and started looking at the road map. Mom got ready for bed and took a sleeping pill. Then she headed over to her bed and pulled back the covers and screamed! There was a PUBIC HAIR in her bed! and when she moved the pillow...there were hairs under that too! OMG! That guy must have slept there! And the motel didn't clean the room! They just made up the beds! G-ross! So, I called the front desk and said, "You better send someone up here to change the sheets NOW!" The woman working the front desk explained that she was the only one there and that she couldn't come up and change the sheets for at least an hour. WHAT?! I said, "Well, then we want a refund. We're checking out!" So, mom drives down to the office to check out while I pack up our stuff.

When she gets back, we decided to be wild and crazy and just DRIVE THRU THE NIGHT! At first I balked at the idea, but then decided we might as well since we were planning to get up at the crack of dawn and drive anyway. Guess who had to drive though....ME! Yep. Mom had taken a sleeping pill and couldn't see at night anyway. So, we headed out at midnight Tuesday night. Mom tried to stay awake, but eventually couldn't fight the sleeping pill. She slept and I drove. I sang out loud to the radio, put the car on cruise control and chair danced...anything I could do to stay awake. It was HARD! I mean, sooooooo hard! I did get to see downtown Atlanta in the middle of the night. It's quite impressive. =) I was praying the whole way. Finally, I was so delirious that I had to pull over. I woke mom up and said, "I'm pulling over at this gas station and we're sleeping!" She said, "mmmmokay" and went back to sleep....for about 10 minutes. I was tossing and turning. I couldn't get comfy. Finally she said, "I'm up! I'll drive!" It was 6:30 a.m. by then. So, we run inside and buy some Krispie Kreme donuts and bad coffee and set off again. I dozed on and off the rest of the way home. We made it to Benton at 10:00 a.m. on Wednesday morning.

So, that's the story of our worldwind vacay to South Carolina. Icky motels aside...we had the best time! I took about 300 pictures of Charleston. My dad is supposed to be burning them on a disk for me. I'll post some as soon as I can.

Gotta get back to work!

Vacation...

I was on vacation all last week. Mom and I drove to Charleston, SC to check out all the old homes. On the way home, we stopped in Greenville, SC to see the So You Think You Can Dance tour. Between those two cities, I took about 400 pics! I'm thinking about uploading them to a different website so you can see ALL of them. I'll try to work on that after work today.

To be continued...

*Go here to see the So You Think You Can Dance pics!

Music and Movies...

So, I bought two albums today. I just couldn't help myself. See below:

Casting Crowns - The Altar and The Door

I had to buy this after hearing the songs in concert this weekend. I especially love the songs Slow Fade and Somewhere In The Middle. Good stuffs!

Leeland - Sound of Melodies

Rachael is now in love with this band. Actually, I was impressed myself. Leeland Mooring is only 19 yrs old and very talented! This is very good for a 1st album!

Steph and I watched a couple movies this weekend. See below:

I actually saw this movie in the theaters. I love Seth Rogan and Judd Apatow. Comedic genius! Anyhoo, Steph hadn't seen it so I was more than happy to rent it. Even better the 2nd time around. HI-larious!

I really had no idea what this movie was going to be about. I was pleasantly surprised. I love Anthony Hopkins and that Ryan Gosling is a cutie! Good stuff!

Next movies: Kicking It Old Skool, Shooter and Half Nelson

Casting Crowns

Rachael and I went to see Casting Crowns in concert last night. Fun times! It was like one huge worship service. I loved it!

The "ticket guy" (Dale) was WAY late, so we had to entertain ourselves for over an hour with the camera. Also, Rach wrote a song about our experience. It's amazing how many words rhyme with Dale. =)

Here are the best pics of the night:

I heart Burt's Bees!

High Five!

Worried that our tickets weren't going to show.

Excited that Dale finally showed...over an hour late!

Leeland

Blury Casting Crowns

Great show!

Movie Review...(I heart Netflix!)

Actually, I'm not going to give you any intellectual thought on movies. I'm so tired from packing and NOT sleeping that I'm so beyond intellectual thought! I'm mearly going to tell you what I watched this weekend.

I don't know what I was expecting when I watched this movie. I certainly didn't expect it to be as deep (deep is stretching for the acting, but the subject was deep) as it was. It was vulger in parts so don't let the kiddies watch it with you. Um, yeah...it has an R rating. I guess I was in la-la land when I thought about it. The previews didn't really give me a clue at all. Basically I wanted to watch it b/c I love Jane Fonda. Anyhoo, it was touching. It made me want to shed a tear in the end.

I couldn't WAIT to watch this movie. I was excited b/c the cast is great. But, it didn't turn out as well as I expected. Sigh. It was good, but I spent a lot of the time confused (that could be b/c I was distracted by the dogs and Abi).

I thought this was going to be a funny movie. Mom watched it and told me it was great. Plus it has a great cast... Hello Molly Shannon and John C. Reilly! IT. WAS. SAD!!!!!!!!! I'm normally a fan of weird or quirky movies. I was disappointed cause I thought I was going to have a good laugh...but wanted to cry instead.

Overall, I wasn't super impressed with my movies.

It's Funny 'Cause It's True!

Letting Go

I've been attending Otter Creek A/G for the last month or so. It's a great church...small, but with everything I'm looking for. The Pastor is down to earth and a great teacher. The praise/worship is wonderful. I really feel like God wants me to go there. I think I mentioned before that their Missionettes program is lacking. I spoke to the Mettes coordinator and Pastor's wife and they make it no secret that they're desperate for help in that area. I told them that I have a strong Mettes background and that God has called me to the Children's Ministry. But, I also made it very clear that I didn't want to jump into things right away. I wanted to get settled into my home church. I wanted to take things slow. I'm begining to think that that's not what God has planned for me.



The pastor's wife, Sandra, called me yesterday. Well, actually, she called my mom first to get my phone number. My mom called me and told me Sandra wanted to talk to me about the Mettes. Immediately, my heart jumped into my throat. OMG! God, what are you doing?! So, I called Steph and told her. I talked about my hopes and fears regarding the Otter Creek Mettes program (Steph is a Mettes girl too). After I discussed it with Steph, I called Sandra back. My heart was pounding and I was sick to my stomach. I wasn't sure what she wanted to discuss. Was she going to ask me to help out already?! I got her voice mail and left my number for her to call me back.



Then I sad down and starting writing out some things I wanted to tell Sandra if she did want to ask me to help out. I wrote about how I love the Mettes and that I really believe in the program. That I belive that the Mettes are my heartbeat. I wrote out all of my qualifications. So, everything was looking good. Then I realized that she's going to want to know WHY I had been out of church for the last year (plus). BIG SIGH! I tried writing about that when I first started this blog, but I couldn't really think of anything. Great! So, I started praying and reading my Bible. I prayed that God would give me the words to speak. The words that would prove my heart. I started to write down little things that happened in the past... I thought that I'd share some of those things here. (Wow. That was a very long introduction to just a few random thoughts!)



I had taught a Missionettes class for five years. I was an Honor Sponsor. I was the go to girl for extra activities, fund raisers and chaperones. I was so involved in the Children's Ministry. About a year ago (from Easter), I started to feel burned out. I felt like I was trying to please people and not God. I grew weary of going to church services. I wasn't getting anything out of the sermons and the praise/worship left something to be desired. I knew I was struggling with depression, but instead of wanting to go to the alter and have people pray with me, I just wanted to retreat in my little hole of an apt and never come out. Because I recognized this in myself, I decided to take a break from teaching my class. I knew that if I didn't step down, they were going to remove me anyway. I had been missing almost every Sunday service. I didn't want to put the coordinator, one of my best friends, in the position of asking me to step down, so I just went to her and told her I needed a break. That's all it was going to be in the begining. I wanted to take a break and focus on pleasing God. I needed to focus on my realtionship with Jesus. Also, I'm a firm believer in the fact that if I wasn't getting filled up (with the Spirit, the word, etc...) then I wouldn't have anything to pour out on those girls. I was dried up.



So, I stepped down. My closest friends were supportive...kinda. You could tell that they were worried about me. If I would go down to the alter...just to spend time w/ the Lord...people would come up to me and lay hands on me and pray. Normally this would make me feel great, but not then. I started to get defensive. I wanted to shout, "THERE'S NOTHING WRONG HERE! I'M NOT BACKSLIDING! I'M JUST TAKING A FREAKING BREAK! EVERYONE JUST BACK OFF!" It got to the point that I would start leaving when they started the alter call. I'd just sneak out of the pew and go home. That's when I even bothered to go to church at all. Once I even had a panic attack at church. I felt like everyone was judging me. I felt hot and closed in and finally had to jump up and leave (before the service even started) because I was about to freak out! I know I'm not explaining it well. I guess if you've never struggled with depression and panic attacks it would be hard to understand. Basically, I didn't feel comfortable in my church. I was angry that people thought there was something spiritually wrong with me just because I wanted to take a break.



The final straw was when the Children's Pastor refused to speak to me. I had been emailing him and his wife for almost two months. See, I was planning on going to church camp that year to be a counselor again. I had done it the year before and loved it. I get along great with the kids and it was an amazing experience. The Children's pastor knew that I wanted to go. He knows that I'm great with kids. He'd called on me several times in the past to help with his ministry. Well, since I started struggling with church attendance, he'd stopped talking to me. Like I said, I'd emailed him and his wife numerous times. With no response. Finally on Easter Sunday 2006, I went up to the Children's church to confront him. I walked into the room and he wouldn't even look at me. I walked right up to him and he WALKED AWAY! I could see the fear on his face! I couldn't believe it!! I said, "Bro. Tom! I need to know if I am going to church camp this year so I can ask for the time off at work." He glanced at me...red faced...and shook his head and brushed past me. THAT WAS IT. I had apparenly become a spiritual pariah. I was such a horrible person (in their eyes) that the pastor couldn't even TALK TO ME! What?! I was so hurt and angry. I thought...if they really thought something was that bad wrong with me then why didn't they come to me and discuss it?! Why didn't they ASK me what was going on in my life. Why did they just ASSUME that I was backslidden (is that a word?). It broke my heart!



Side note...I know that people in leadership or teaching positions in a church are held to a higher standard. I had to set an example for the kids and I wasn't doing a very good job of that by not showing up for the Sunday services. I completely understood that. But, why couldn't they have the DECENCY to TELL me that that was the reason they couldn't use me?! Or if that wasn't the reason...the tell me what they were thinking/feeling?! I was hurt and angry. I never went back to that church again. I wallowed in my hurt, anger and self pity for over a year. Everytime I would think of it, I would just go off...telling Bro. Tom off in my head a million different ways. I just couldn't let it go.



Another little side note...I know that people probably weren't thinking bad things about me. They prob really did love me and want to help me. But I didn't FEEL that way. I felt like I was being judged. Looking back, I realize that it was just the devil messing with me. He knew that I struggled with depression and low self-esteem. He tricked me into thinking that I was being judged. That people were pointing and staring at me. It's an awful day when you don't feel loved and comfortable in your own church. Isn't your church supposed to be a sanctuary...a safe place?

So, that brings me to the present. I'm still not completely over the hurt. I'd like to think that I'm over the anger, but... I mean, I still don't want to go back to that church. That's why I set off to find another church home. I'd like to think that I am heading in the direction of complete forgiveness though. If only I could lay it down at the cross...AND STOP PICKING IT BACK UP!

Back to Sandra and Otter Creek and the Mettes, I wrote all of this so I could work through the memories and figure out what I was going to tell her about why I hadn't been in church in so long. I want to be completely honest with her. She wants to get together for coffee this next week so we can get to know each other. I hope that once I tell her my story that she'll still find me worthy of teaching the girls in her church. I said before that I didn't want to rush into anything, but...I feel like God might have a different plan for me. Please pray with me that God will help me to move past the hurts from my old church family and that he'd show me his plan for me in this new church.

I'm sorry for this very, very long blog. It probably doesn't make a bit of sense, but I feel better having poured it all out. There's so much more that happened to cause all of my anger and hurt, but this is the gist of the story. This is what I'll share with Sandra.

Who has free tickets to see Casting Crowns?!?!?!

Meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!


Thank you, Mom and Dad. This def makes up for the emotional roller coaster you've put me on the last couple of days. Hehe.

unFREAKINGbelievable!

My mom changed her mind again. AGAIN! OMG! Talk about a roller coaster ride. She called me last night to tell me that Dad decided to just sell the little house. Forevermore. So, I'm moving in with Steph. GOSH!

In the immortal words of Wayne and Garth..."Game on!"

Retail Therapy

So, b/c I'm sick in the head...I decided that music would make me feel better.

I just bought KT Tunstall's new album, Drastic Fantastic.

I'm happy for the moment...

Confusion

I'm so confused. I don't know what to think anymore. I thought it was God's will for me to move in with Stephanie. Problems would crop up, but they would always go away. I was praying and Steph was praying... After my mom told me to go ahead and do what I needed to do, I thought for sure that it was God's will. I've already given notice to my landlord. I've already made up a schedule of moving/packing/cleaning for Pete's sake! GRRR! I'm so confused!

Mom called me today to renig (renege?)...kinda. She said that she needed me afterall. Apparently someone backed out of buying their (big) house and my parents are tired of dealing with it. They've decided today that they're going to move back into the (big) house and they need me to move into the other (small) house. Sigh. I'm so upset. Steph and I have already made plans. We had our hearts set on becoming roommates.

I really feel bad b/c I feel like we(mom and I) are jerking Steph around. "Yes, I'll move in. No, I can't. Yes, I'll move in. No, I can't." Ahhh! If I moved in with Steph, she'd benefit from my rent money. And she'd have a built in babysitter/dogsitter/housestitter. And, of course, I'd benefit from the cheaper rent. Knowing this, my parents have decided that I won't have to pay rent AT ALL if I move into the small house. Mom said I'd only have to pay utilities/satellite/internet. Sigh. Why can't I be happy about this? It's a super cute house. I'll post pics if I move in...

I'm so freaking confused! What does God want?! I know we weren't meant to understand God completely. I know he knows whats best for me.

Blah, Blah, Blah...I'm just rambling incoherently now. I don't mean to be ungrateful. I'm blessed with the opportunity to live in a nice house rent free. Sigh.