Not Very Exciting Update on My Life...

Life has been hectic the last couple of months. The day after my friend, Ashley's, funeral I got a call from work asking me not to come back for a while. They put me on paid administrative leave pending an investigation. WHAT?! I'm not going to go into the investigation, but I was cleared (Cause I'd done nothing wrong!!). Two other members of my team were not so lucky. Now we're too people short and work is SUCKING. I'm trying to keep a positive attitude though.

So, back when I was on admin leave I came up with Plan B and I've been trying to make Plan B happen. I've found a roommate. She's actually looking to buy a house in Arkadelphia right now. Or build. Either way, I'll have a decent place for Sam and I to live. I've applied for several jobs in Arkadelphia...the hospital, state jobs, admin jobs and jobs at HSU. It would be ideal if I could get a job at HSU so I could save myself money on tuition. So far, I haven't heard ANYTHING on the jobs. I'm starting to get a little nervous. I have to move out of my current house by August. Deadlines are good and bad for me. They're good b/c they actually make me get my arse moving, but they're bad b/c they give me such stress! I haven't been handling stress well lately.

Speaking of stress, I had a little breakdown after Ashley's funeral. I had to go to my doctor and get some meds. (Did I blog about this already?) First, she changed me from prozac to paxil. Anyone have any experience with paxil out there? My doc says that it doesn't promote weight gain, so we'll see... She gave me an rx of Rozerem (sleeping pill) because the anxiety is keeping me up at night. And last, she gave me an rx of Xanax. I've been staying away from the Xanax as much as possible. I'm afraid of getting addicted to it. I had a friend go to rehab b/c of a severe addiction to xanax. I don't even want to go there. I also use the sleeping pills sparingly. I don't want to be dependent on anything. I just keep the Rozerem and Xanax for emergencies.

Anyhoo...back to the job thing. So, here I am desperately searching for jobs in Arkadelphia so I can move and go back to school. I have made up my mind. That's what I'm going to do. THEN my boss tells me that she's going to give me a 10% raise starting in July. WHAT?! Now?! I've been trying to get a raise for TWO YEARS! Why now when I've finally convinced myself that it's okay to leave. I mean, I WANT to leave. I don't love my job. Why tempt me with a raise now? Sigh. Is that a sign that I SHOULDN'T move to Arkadelphia? My friend, Brian, said, "Courtney, how important is that 10% raise going to be to you in 5 years?" Um, probably not very. Cause if I continue with Plan B I'll have my bachelor's degree in 5 years and be working on my Master's.

I hate making these kinds of decisions!!!

In a way, I feel like I'm moving backwards. Back to the poor, college life. At the same time, I'm excited about starting from scratch. I'm so mixed up inside. I just want to do something GOOD. Something that I can FINALLY be proud of.

So, I'm in the waiting mode. I'm waiting to see if Amanda buys a house. I'm waiting to see if I get a job in Arkadelphia. I'm waiting to see if it all falls into place.

Yay waiting! (long Borat pause) NOT!!!!!!!!!!

So, that's what's up with me lately. Actually no, that's what's up with work and moving. What's up with me? Well, I've been very social lately. I've been making a point to spend time with my friends and family. Life is too short. This past weekend was memorial day. Friday night I went out to dinner with friends and then hung out with my pal, Caleb, at his house. Saturday and Sunday, I spent time in Hot Springs with Amanda and her son. Monday my mom and I went to see What Happens In Vegas (hilarious) and then did some shopping. Fun times! I'll post some pics tomorrow when I'm back at work. I don't have any of those pics on my home pc.

Okay. That's all folks! Sorry for the long, stream of consciousness post.

Quick Update

I'm finally moved out of the apt! Yay! Now I have tons of stuff piled in the garage of my new place. Boo!. Moving=sucks!

I took the next step at church and started going to the New Membership sunday school class. So, after two more weeks I can finally transfer my membership to Otter Creek! Yay! And after that, I'll be able to start helping out in the Missionettes department. I'm so excited! BTW, the meeting with the pastor's wife never happened! She's a busy lady. I'm not sure what I'll have to do to nail down an actual meeting time. Pray for me!

I still haven't gotten the Charleston pics. Dad said he'd burn those pics onto a disc for me this week. We shall see.

I'm going to see Walking With The Dinosaurs this Wednesday. I'm super excited. I'll try to take pics from that. Next week I'm going to see CATS. Yay! I'm so excited (apparently I'm excited about ERRRRTHANG!). I'm taking Rachael, who has discovered a love of all things Broadway. Unfortunately, there will be no pics from that, but I'm sure Rach and I will take a bunch of goofy pics of ourselves before and after the show. Fun times!

Peace out!
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Steph and I watched two movies this weekend:

I'm Reed Fish. This was a very cute, quirky independent film. I rented it because of Alexis Bledel. I'm a die hard Gilmore Girls fan! The acting was great and now I want to buy an Schuyler Fisk album! Unfortunately, she doesn't have one. I'll have to be satisfied with her background vocals on Joshua Radin's album We Were Here. I love, love, love that album, BTW.
Mr. Brooks. I didn't expect much from this film. First of all, I didn't think that Kevin Costner would be convincing as a bad guy. I mean, he's better suited for romantic comedies and sports films, right? Well, I was pleasantly surprised. This movie was very entertaining. William Hurt was a great as Mr. Brooks other personality and Dane Cook was a nice little comic relief. Oh yeah...Demi Moore was in the movie too, but she was forgettable. Sorry, Demi.

unFREAKINGbelievable!

My mom changed her mind again. AGAIN! OMG! Talk about a roller coaster ride. She called me last night to tell me that Dad decided to just sell the little house. Forevermore. So, I'm moving in with Steph. GOSH!

In the immortal words of Wayne and Garth..."Game on!"

Confusion

I'm so confused. I don't know what to think anymore. I thought it was God's will for me to move in with Stephanie. Problems would crop up, but they would always go away. I was praying and Steph was praying... After my mom told me to go ahead and do what I needed to do, I thought for sure that it was God's will. I've already given notice to my landlord. I've already made up a schedule of moving/packing/cleaning for Pete's sake! GRRR! I'm so confused!

Mom called me today to renig (renege?)...kinda. She said that she needed me afterall. Apparently someone backed out of buying their (big) house and my parents are tired of dealing with it. They've decided today that they're going to move back into the (big) house and they need me to move into the other (small) house. Sigh. I'm so upset. Steph and I have already made plans. We had our hearts set on becoming roommates.

I really feel bad b/c I feel like we(mom and I) are jerking Steph around. "Yes, I'll move in. No, I can't. Yes, I'll move in. No, I can't." Ahhh! If I moved in with Steph, she'd benefit from my rent money. And she'd have a built in babysitter/dogsitter/housestitter. And, of course, I'd benefit from the cheaper rent. Knowing this, my parents have decided that I won't have to pay rent AT ALL if I move into the small house. Mom said I'd only have to pay utilities/satellite/internet. Sigh. Why can't I be happy about this? It's a super cute house. I'll post pics if I move in...

I'm so freaking confused! What does God want?! I know we weren't meant to understand God completely. I know he knows whats best for me.

Blah, Blah, Blah...I'm just rambling incoherently now. I don't mean to be ungrateful. I'm blessed with the opportunity to live in a nice house rent free. Sigh.

Blah, Blah, Boredom...

Hello pals. I'm spending the night at Steph's tonight so we can see how Sam handles being here will her and Jack all day while I'm at work. He's used to roaming the countryside while I'm working so it'll be a big difference for him. Steph works from home, so he'll be able to hang out inside with her. Yay! I have to give my notice to my landlord tomorrow. After that, there's no turning back. Sam will just have to get used to being a lazy, inside dog. =) Actually, I'll have to start taking him on walks when we officially move in. I wouldn't want him to turn in to a little fatty.

Anyhoo, Steph and I went to church today. I didn't sleep last night, so I had to FORCE myself to go. When we got there, we found out that the pastor was away on vacation and there was a fill in pastor from Malvern. He had to be AT LEAST 80 years old. Bless him. He talked so slow...and in RHYMES! NO LIE! Hehe. Don't get me wrong...I LOVE old peeps, but it was NOT the kind of sermon I needed after a night of no sleep. So, church was uneventful.

Last night, I was pleasantly surprised to learn that Steph had bought Abi season passes to the Arkansas Children's Theater. She has 3 tickets for each of the 6 shows this season. I said, "OMG! I love children's theater!" And Steph said, "Do you want to take her?" Yippee! Apparently Steph isn't big on theater. GASP! I love it! So, after church today I grabbed some lunch and then took Abi and her friend, Morgan, to see The Ugly Duckling. It was very cute! We had a great time. I can't wait until the next show...The Boxcar Children!! Yay!

I didn't go to church tonight. Basically I've just been wasting many hours playing TV Trivia on Facebook. I'm such a loser. I left my book at home (the final Harry Potter) and I didn't have anything else to do. Hence this very boring blog! I'm about to get ready for bed and read one of Abi's books. It's The Secret of The Peaches. She loved it and insists that I read it. =)

Nighty nite Pals!

Sam and Jack: Take 2

I'm at Steph's house right now. I'm happy to report that the humping is minimal! Hehe. Sam is very tired today and doesn't really feel like playing. Jack is GOING CRAZY trying to get Sam to play with him. He's making these ear splitting yelps... Anyhoo, I feel like this is progress. He has barely humped Sam today. And everytime he tries, Sam will growl at him.

Yay progress. Hopefully the next time we get together they will be able to just CHILL.

In other news...I found an old notebook of mine. It was something that I put together when I was doing a unit on The Sanctity of Human Life for the high school girls. This is a subject that is very important to me. I did a lot of research and put together notebooks for the girls...full of abortion information and alternatives. I had also typed up some of my testimony to use as a guide when I told the girls my story.

Anyway, I haven't looked at it since 2003! Last night I read it and...wow. It brings back so many memories and feeling that I had supressed. I'm debating whether or not I should write about it here. What do you think? ABB, you're the one who REALLY reads my blog and you know the story already. Do you think I should write about it here? Would you want to read it?

Sam and Jack's First Meeting...

Now only one things stands in the way of my moving in with Steph...whether or not our dogs can get along! I took Sam for a sleepover this Saturday. It was wild. =)

My dog, Sam, is so mellow. I mean, his real name is Samuel L. Jackson! I named him that cause he's so chilled out. He's one bad mo fo! Hehe. Anyway, Sam's very loving and playful. He gets along with everyone and doesn't ever seem to meet a stranger.

Sam

Jack, a Min Pin, is completely opposite. He's sweet, but sooo high strung. He barks like crazy at people and dogs he doesn't know. When there aren't any other dogs around, he loves to cuddle and give hugs and kisses. As soon as I brought Sam into the house...things went crazy.

Jack

First of all, Sam was very scared of Jack's loud, crazy bark. I had to hold Sam in my arms so Jack could sniff him. Poor Sambo was shaking like a leaf. It took him a while to get used to that. Once he'd calmed down I let him go and immediately Sam tried to play with Jack. All Jack wanted to do was lick Sam's po-po or hump Sam. I mean for HOURS Jack sniffed/licked and tried to hump Sam. They ran in circles in the house and in the yard forever. Sam eventually got tired of being humped and starting going for Jack's throat...not to hurt him, but to hold him down. It was so CRAZY! I felt so bad for Sam. Even when they were both WORN out, Jack couldn't leave Sam alone.

Hours of this...

Sam getting tired of it...

So, I'm not sure what's going to happen. They never really fought. Sam actually had fun running all over the place. I think that they will eventully be friends...IF JACK CAN STOP HUMPING SAM! =)

Worn out!

Waiting for his treat...Sonic tater tots!

Happy to be going home.

Church, Moving, Vanting...

So, I actually went to church this past Wednesday night. Yay me! Steph really wanted to take Abi to Otter Creek to see if she'd like the Mettes program. Plus, we wanted to check out the Mettes Coordinator and see what their program was like. I didn't get a very good first impression. They seem desperate for help (HELLO! I want to help! *holding myself back*) and the coordinator didn't seem to have it together. But, I gave her the benefit of the doubt. She just didn't have any teachers there... Maybe it'll be better next week. So, we left Abi there and then headed to the Women's Ministry class. OMG! So good. A woman spoke on how our words trap us...I'm not going to go into it, but it was SOOO good. So, that's 3 times I've been there and I've loved it!

Unfortunately, Abi did not love her first time there. I'm super sad. She said that no other teachers showed up, so all the girls (all ages) were in one class. She said that the teacher really didn't have control of anything. But, I hope that we can convince her not to judge the Mettes program after just going one night. I mean, the poor coordinator didn't have help and they haven't even had their Celebration (end of year graduation), so they can't start their new classes yet. Anyhoo, I hope that we can convince Abi to keep going for a while...to give it a real try. Steph really wants Abi to go to the same church as us (lately Abi's been going with her grandma).

One more thing, I'm kind of a Mettes snob. I've come from a church that had a Mettes program w/ over 100 girls every Wednesday night. Our Coordinator went on to be the State Coordinator...meaning she's incharge of all the Mettes programs in AR. So, I've had really great coordinators. And if I'm going to join a Mettes program at a church that's not very with-it, I'm afraid that I might say things to hurt feelins. Or I'm afraid that I might try to take over. Ahh! I'm terrible!! But, like I said, I've come from a GREAT Mettes program, so I know how it is supposed to be run. If it's not put together the right way the girls will miss out on so much stuff!

Okay, I'm thru venting...or vanting as my 16 y/o buddy says (venting+ranting=vanting). =)

Oh yeah! The moving thing...

So, mom and dad told me it's okay if I move in with Steph. They've decided to stay in the little house a little longer. They're praying and BELIEVING their big house will sell! Go God!

I'm super excited! I've already collected eleventy billion boxes and I'm going to start packing up right away. I'll get a storage building next month and start moving and cleaning... This is major for me. Normally I'm the worst procrastinator and I'll leave everything to the day before I move! Not this time, ya'll (just call me BritBrit). I'm so excited about this move that I'm ready to start NOW! I've already worked out the space planning in the room (complete w/ a drawing) and I've made a list of the things I'm going to take to her house. It won't be much! I'm so excited about that. I've always been the worst pack rat. I'm trying to turn over a new leaf.

So, the only thing I'm worried about at this point is giving Lara my 30 day notice. She's not just my landlord, she's a really great friend. I know she needs a renter and I don't want to put her in a bind. But, 30-days is enough notice, right? Should I tell her right now? I'm conflicted! Anyway, I don't want her to hurt financially, but I have to do what's right for me...RIGHT?

Operation: Find Church Home! (and moving update)

Steph and I went to Otter Creek A/G this past Sunday. It was great! I think maybe we've found our church home?? We were both impressed with the praise/worship and the preaching. The pastor seems very down to earth. The message seemed like it was just for me. The choir sang this one song that was sooo amazing. I have no idea what the name is or who sings it, but one of the lines said, "I am your future, so leave your past behind." Hello! It is so true! I need to let go of my past.

I'm so excited! I mean, if this is really going to be our church home then it's only a matter of time before I can get involved with the Missionettes again. Yay! On the other hand... I'm scared of getting involved with the Mettes and having to leave them again. SIGH.

Anyhoo...I have an update on the moving situation. My mom called me Sunday morning and said that she might need me to move into their house. About 6 months ago, they moved out of their big house and into a smaller house. They have been trying to sell the big house, but...no luck so far. Mom and dad do not want to keep paying two mortgages, so mom said that if their big house doesn't sell by Oct then they'll have to move back into it. They don't want to sell the little house, so mom said she would "count on" me to move in and take over the payments. NO PRESSURE! I'm so stressed. I had finally decided that I was going to move in with Steph in Nov and now my mom throws a wrench in the plans! It's sad really... My mom and dad love the small house so much. They've worked so hard to restored it. They really do NOT want to move back to the big house. So, I'm praying that the big house will sell! Then mom and dad will be happy and I'll get to move in with Steph. Heh. I guess I should really be praying for God's will to be done, huh? But, he does say that he'll give us the desires of our heart! =) And my mom's desire is to live in that small house.

So, about the small house...It's so cute! Mom and dad have worked so hard on it. It's a two bedroom, one bath, 1920's house. I love it and really wouldn't mind living there at all. I'd have to share it with Logan though. I'm not sure how Ifeel about that...especially about sharing one bathroom with him! There's a nice size fenced in back yard, so Sam would be fine. I think he'd be lonely though. He's used to running with a whole pack of dogs. So, if I move into the small house, I might have to get another dog. I'm not sure I'm ready for that.

I told Steph about the wrench that's been thrown into our plans... She's sad! She has her heart set on me moving in too! I just don't understand why these problems keep cropping up for me! I don't do very well with decisions. =( Is this God's way of telling me that moving in with Steph isn't a great idea? I don't want to think that!

So, if my mom's big house sells, I'm moving in with Steph. If it doesn't, I'll be moving in the small house with Logan. I just can't let my mom down. *another big sigh*

Pray for me! And my parents... And Steph...

Oh yeah! I STILL haven't heard anything from Lowe's! I called them twice last week, but...NOTHING. All b/c they don't have an HR person right now. I really, really need a 2nd job!! So, pray about that too.

I'm just full of prayer request today...

Should I Move?

I've been considering a move. My friend, Steph, and I have been talking about becoming roommates. It would be very different living with her and her daughter, but I think it would be a good change. Here are some pros and cons:

Pros
Very nice house and neighborhood
Closer to Work . . . save gas
Faster Laundry (the laundry at my current location is impossible!)
More likely to go to church
Live in dog sitter
Forced to be neater!
Could downside junk
INTERNET! Plus, 2 computers
Dog for Sam to play with.
Big backyard for Sam to play in.
Could park in garage
Nice neighborhood for walks
Could save money
Can have "my kids" over w/no worries ( I love my Landon fam!)
In home work out equip (bike, treadmill)
Pest contract, so no bugs. NO TICKS!
Closer to shopping
Better temp control
2 closets!

Cons
Small bedroom
Shared bath (w/ Steph's kid)
What if Steph decides to get married?
Will have to get storage building to store furniture

I sent my pro/con list to Steph and she added WAY more cons (for me) to the list. But I vetoed them. The ones listed above would be the only concerns I'd really have. So, on paper, the pros outweigh the cons.

I've really been thinking about moving b/c I HATE living out in the country. I HATE all of the bugs. I have 8 TICK BITES ON ONE LEG! Its awful... mostly b/c my landlords do not treat the house/yard for bugs. So, I have fleas, ticks, spiders, snakes, mice... seriously. All of those!! That's my MAIN reason for wanting to move. Plus, right now I live in a 3 room apt. Its nice and all, but I have it CRAMED with crap! If I moved in with Steph, I would be forced to downsize. I would only be able to take my bed, dresser and clothes, etc... And I would get a storage bldg (a con) to put all my furniture in...which really isn't a lot. The worst would be storing all of my books. I have eleventy billion books!

Anyhoo, I could ramble on and on and on about this. I'm going to be really praying about it. I don't want to move unless I have peace about it.