Life has been hectic the last couple of months. The day after my friend, Ashley's, funeral I got a call from work asking me not to come back for a while. They put me on paid administrative leave pending an investigation. WHAT?! I'm not going to go into the investigation, but I was cleared (Cause I'd done nothing wrong!!). Two other members of my team were not so lucky. Now we're too people short and work is SUCKING. I'm trying to keep a positive attitude though.
So, back when I was on admin leave I came up with Plan B and I've been trying to make Plan B happen. I've found a roommate. She's actually looking to buy a house in Arkadelphia right now. Or build. Either way, I'll have a decent place for Sam and I to live. I've applied for several jobs in Arkadelphia...the hospital, state jobs, admin jobs and jobs at HSU. It would be ideal if I could get a job at HSU so I could save myself money on tuition. So far, I haven't heard ANYTHING on the jobs. I'm starting to get a little nervous. I have to move out of my current house by August. Deadlines are good and bad for me. They're good b/c they actually make me get my arse moving, but they're bad b/c they give me such stress! I haven't been handling stress well lately.
Speaking of stress, I had a little breakdown after Ashley's funeral. I had to go to my doctor and get some meds. (Did I blog about this already?) First, she changed me from prozac to paxil. Anyone have any experience with paxil out there? My doc says that it doesn't promote weight gain, so we'll see... She gave me an rx of Rozerem (sleeping pill) because the anxiety is keeping me up at night. And last, she gave me an rx of Xanax. I've been staying away from the Xanax as much as possible. I'm afraid of getting addicted to it. I had a friend go to rehab b/c of a severe addiction to xanax. I don't even want to go there. I also use the sleeping pills sparingly. I don't want to be dependent on anything. I just keep the Rozerem and Xanax for emergencies.
Anyhoo...back to the job thing. So, here I am desperately searching for jobs in Arkadelphia so I can move and go back to school. I have made up my mind. That's what I'm going to do. THEN my boss tells me that she's going to give me a 10% raise starting in July. WHAT?! Now?! I've been trying to get a raise for TWO YEARS! Why now when I've finally convinced myself that it's okay to leave. I mean, I WANT to leave. I don't love my job. Why tempt me with a raise now? Sigh. Is that a sign that I SHOULDN'T move to Arkadelphia? My friend, Brian, said, "Courtney, how important is that 10% raise going to be to you in 5 years?" Um, probably not very. Cause if I continue with Plan B I'll have my bachelor's degree in 5 years and be working on my Master's.
I hate making these kinds of decisions!!!
In a way, I feel like I'm moving backwards. Back to the poor, college life. At the same time, I'm excited about starting from scratch. I'm so mixed up inside. I just want to do something GOOD. Something that I can FINALLY be proud of.
So, I'm in the waiting mode. I'm waiting to see if Amanda buys a house. I'm waiting to see if I get a job in Arkadelphia. I'm waiting to see if it all falls into place.
Yay waiting! (long Borat pause) NOT!!!!!!!!!!
So, that's what's up with me lately. Actually no, that's what's up with work and moving. What's up with me? Well, I've been very social lately. I've been making a point to spend time with my friends and family. Life is too short. This past weekend was memorial day. Friday night I went out to dinner with friends and then hung out with my pal, Caleb, at his house. Saturday and Sunday, I spent time in Hot Springs with Amanda and her son. Monday my mom and I went to see What Happens In Vegas (hilarious) and then did some shopping. Fun times! I'll post some pics tomorrow when I'm back at work. I don't have any of those pics on my home pc.
Okay. That's all folks! Sorry for the long, stream of consciousness post.
3 comments:
Wow, my friend. That's a lot of stuff! I'm praying for you. Remember Romans 8:28. That's something I like to get going through my head when I am facing lots of unknowns. What you are wanting to do, the direction you are wanting to go, is honorable and I think it honors the Lord. He will bless you. Hang in there. I'll agree with you in prayer as you face the unknowns! I love you.
Hang in there. When one door closes, two more open. If not, pry open a window. ;)
CBB . . . been thinking about you every day. How are plans? I love you and miss you. Charlie was born June 12 and I want to call you. If I am not in excruciating pain, I'm high on Vicodin. I feel like Dr. House! Love you. Miss you.
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