Work...

We had a wedding shower for one of our girls last night. I took some pics and thought I'd show off our team.

This is Kristina, the guest of honor. She's the newest Liver Transplant Coord. She's a Godsend! I wish I could clone her!

Seth - PharmD, Karen - Social Worker, Valerie - Kidney Program Coord, Denise - Liver Financial Coord., Sona - Adm Assit.

The crazy hostess! She's sooooo wild and I love her! This is Paula - In patient nurse coord.

Sue, my supervisor. She's a kidney transplant coord. I love this pic cause she's kicked back and chillaxin'! =) She's British and says cute things like "trousers" and "queue".

Cake!

Food!

Prezzies! This is Kristina with my "classy" gift. Margarita set. I even threw in the tequila, mixer and salt. I was a little embarrased because everyone else got her something nice. But...who cares! My prezzie was fun. =)

Love this pic. Paula in the middle is telling a ridiculously dirty story and Sue is dying laughing. That's Fadelle on the far left. She's another kidney transplant coord. She's our mother hen.

Pals!

Celebrating Ashley Wynn...

My reason for going to Star City was painful, but I loved getting to see my "Star City Kids" again. I feel awful for letting so many years pass without seeing them. I took almost 200 pictures while I was there. I'll spare you from having to look at ALL of them. =) I'll post the group pics here and you can go to my myspace page to see most of the others.

Back row: Terry, Charlotte, Sam, Nate. Front row: Howie, Amanda, Jonda, Layni, Christy, Cody

Back row: Me, Hussam, Dave S, Josh J, Jory, John. Front row: April, Amanda, Simmy, Christy

Back row: Dave, John, Jory, Sam, Cheris (?). Middle row: Hussam, Christy, Simmy, Jeremy, Aja. Front row: April and Amanda

Ashley Rene Wynn

Ashley Rene Wynn, 28, of Hot Springs died Sunday in LIttle Rock. She was born November 8, 1979 in Pine Bluff to Mike Wynn and the late Sandra Kay Nichols Wynn. She worked for Lake Ouachita State Park as an Interpreter. She was a member of Trinity United Methodist church at Crigler.

Preceding her in death was her maternal grandmother, Rose Nichols.

Survivors include Jeremy Lowry of Hot Springs; father and step-mother, Mike and Allison Wynn of Sheridan; son, Torcan Lowry of Hot Springs; daughter, Brannagh Lowry of Hot Springs; brother, Scott Wynn of Star City; paternal grandparents, Joe T. and Faye Wynn of Star City; maternal grandfather, Bobbie L. Nichols of Star City.

*Obit courtesy of Griffin Services

FYI, if you're wondering why I keep posting obits... I do it because some people never got a chance to see them. Like this one...I had to have the funeral home make me a copy b/c I couldn't find the obit anywhere on the interwebs. Now if someone googles Ashley's name they can find it here. BTW, I'm upset that they didn't write more about Ashley. They could have at least listed her palbearers. Her best friends: Sam Shepherd, Steven Howie, Simmy Flora, John Green...
...and two more that I can't think of right now. I'll edit this later. And if you think of them before I do just leave me a comment.

Ashley was a writer. You can check out her stories here.

Dreams...

I'm struggling. I don't know what God is doing. Why all these deaths?

I can deal with my Grandmomma's death. It was unexpected, but I know that she lived a full life. I know without a doubt she's in heaven. She's with my Pawpaw again. And, she's not in pain anymore. That makes me happy...even though I miss her so much.

Jeff...it was so hard. It's still a little unreal that he's gone. I mean, if he had been a second earlier or a second later...that woman's car wouldn't have hit him. Why did it happen?

And now Ashley! This really breaks my heart. Ashley was only 28 years old. She just had a baby! She has a 3 year old! Why Ashley? Those kids need their momma. Torcan may not remember Ashley and Branna will never know her. It is too much for me. I don't understand why God allowed her to die. If she could have hung on a little bit longer, she could have had surgery and been okay. Why her? Why not someone like me? I don't have any kids. I have no ties to this earth. I would gladly take her place. It just doesn't make sense to me.

All these questions are running through my head and I haven't been able to sleep. I feel like I'm going a little crazy. And now to actually talk about dreams... I had a dream a few days before Ashley died and it's really haunting me.

I was in a brick building with my immediate and extended family plus a lot of strangers. We were in the middle of a war. Somehow we knew we were about to be bombed and we were going to die. People were freaking out...crying and wanting to pray or "get right with God". They asked for a volunteer to lead them. I volunteered. I asked them to form two groups. One for those that already knew about Jesus and the other for those who had never heard about him. Only four people moved into the latter group. I went to those who knew Jesus first. I went through the ABC's of salvation real fast and then prayed with them. Then I left them to pray on their own. As I was walking toward the four people who didn't know Jesus, I looked up at the windows and saw a bomb heading straight for us. I wasn't going to make it to them before the bomb hit us and we died. I had a fleeting thought before I woke up, "Oh God. Why didn't I go to them first?"

When I got the call that Ashley had died, I freaked out a little. Was God giving me a warning in my dream that I would soon have an opportunity to tell someone about Jesus...and not to MISS that opportunity? Was I supposed to tell Ashley? If so, I failed. Big time.

*edited to add: I have no idea how Ashley felt about Christianity. Obviously I never had that conversation with her. The obit said she was a member of a Methodist church...which means that she actually went to church at one point in her life (as a kid?) and has heard the gospel. That comforts me. I hope that doesn't offend our friends. I just like to KNOW that my precious friends are in heaven.

I have so many regrets. I feel like I'm wasting my life in my self centered little "Courtney world". These last three weeks have made me wake up a little I think. Maybe God's telling me to get my head out of my ass and start LIVING. These last three weeks have taught me that life is short...and uncertain.

I wish I knew exactly what it was God was doing. I have no clue. But, I do know that I can't take another friend's death. I'm worn out.

I don't know how much more of this I can take!

Another one of my college friends died today. Her name is Ashley Wynn.

She complained about having trouble breathing and Jeremy (her husband...kinda) took her to the hospital in Hot Springs. They initially diagnosed her with blood clots in her lungs and heart. They gave her blood thinners. She kept getting worse and eventually transfered her to UAMS in Little Rock. UAMS ruled out the blood clots and instead said she had a hole in her heart. When I saw Ashley on Friday in the ICU, she said she was feeling much better. They were planning to do surgery to fix the hole in her heart, but had to wait on Medicaid to approve the surgery. When I said bye to her, I thought I'd be seeing her again on Monday. Saturday night, I got a text message saying she was getting worse and that they were putting her on the ventilator. I prayed and reassured myself that it was okay...that sometimes they put patients on ventilators to give the body a rest. So the body isn't stressed and it can heal. This morning I got a call saying that she had a heart attack and that she didn't make it.

She just had a baby 10 days ago. She also has a 3 y/o son. She was only 28 years old.

It's only been three weeks since Jeff died.

And my Grandmomma.

I don't know how much more of this I can take.

Ashley Wynn

Moving On...

Jeff - I'm so thankful that I had the chance to know Jeff. His death still isn't completely real to me. I'm sure that it will take a long time to get over it. It's hard to lose a friend so young. And if it's this hard for me to lose a friend, I can't even imagine what it would be like to lose a husband, brother or son. On the positive side, I'm glad that I got to see college pals this past week. I hope that we are able to keep in touch this time around.

Grandmomma - I'm pretty torn up about her death. My mom called me a few weeks ago and asked me to take off work and go with her to take Grandmomma to the doctor. I declined because it was last minute and I was afraid I would have gotten in trouble at work. I really wish I would have gone! I could have hugged her neck and told her I loved her one last time.

I love my Grandmomma and Pawpaw so much! I practically lived with them from birth to three years old. When my mom remarried and we moved to Benton, we still visited as often as we could. From my Grandmomma, I inherited the love of diet coke, old movies and musicals and craftiness (sewing). For as long as I can remember, my Grandmomma always said, "When I die, you're getting all of my movies and the cabinet your Pawpaw built for them." They're all old VHS tapes...most of the movies recorded off of the t.v. My aunts actually thought I wouldn't want them. WHAT?! Of course I want them! I will watch every freaking one of them...while I drink diet coke and try to sew something. =) I can not put into words the void I feel in my life right now. I just want one more moment with Grandmomma and Pawpaw. I love them and miss them so much!

The most important thing I learned this week is this: Don't let a moment go buy without letting your friends and family know how much you love them. You may not have tomorrow.

In lighter news, I got to visit with the Tarver's last night. Jenn let me hold Bayley for over an hour! I fed her, burped her, rocked her, etc... I couldn't quit staring at her. She's so pretty. I threatened to take her home with me. =)

I'm throwing a baby shower for Jenn and Bayley this weekend. I promise to take lots of pics!

Oh ABB! I wish you lived closer so I could throw you a shower too. *hugs*

TRUE STORY.

I was on my way to Jeff's funeral this morning and my brother called me.

Me: Hello?
Timmy: Whatcha doing?
Me: I'm on my way to a funeral.
Timmy: A funeral?! Oh man, that's messed up...
Me: What? Why?
Timmy: Grandmomma died this morning.
Me: *bleeped*

Yes, folks. It's true. I was on my way to say goodbye to a dear friend and found out that my grandmother died this morning! It has been one hell of a week to say the least.

Weird fact: My grandmother died today: April 2nd. My grandfather died on April 2nd, 2003.

Jeffery Allen Westcott (June 23, 1978 - March 29, 2008)

Mr. Jeffery Allen Westcott, age 29, of Malvern died Saturday March 29, 2008. He was born June 23, 1978 in Waukesha, Wisconsin. Jeffery was a manager at Starbucks in Bryant and worked part time as a cook at Razorback Pizza in Little Rock. He was a member of St. Luke Lutheran Church in Malvern.

He was preceded in death by his father, Lloyd Westcott, grandparents, Burell and Helen Westcott and John and Elma Norris.

Survivors, wife, Samantha Westcott, Malvern; mother, Judy Westcott, Malvern; step-daughter, Kara Hunker, Malvern; brother, John Westcott.

Memorial services will be 10:00 AM Wednesday at Ashby Funeral Home Chapel. Minister will be Pastor Kenneth Burton.

In lieu of flowers donations may be made to the Earth Day Foundation in his name.

*obit from Ashby's funeral home.

Long answer to ABB's comment on my last post...

No visitation. He's being cremated. The funeral will be tues or wed. I'll call Sam tonight and find out the deets. Then this Saturday there will be another get together at Sam's house so all the people that couldn't come yesterday can come and pay their respects.

Sam and Jeff got married in Oct of 2006. They dated for at least a year before that. And, of course, we were all friends in college.

Another awful thing...Sam's a widow at 30 y/o. Her sister was also a widow at 30!! It's been almost 6 years since Jennifer's husband died. Can you believe it happened twice in ONE FAMILY. They're just wrecked.

I'm dealing by not dealing. Yesterday I was in shock. Then I was drinking and trying to catch up with old friends. This morning I woke up and my mind wouldn't quit! I didn't even shower... I just got dressed and left for work. The drive here was awful. I couldn't stop thinking about little things... like Jeff's laugh. I'll never hear his infectious laugh again. I'll never hear him call me "Corn Dawg" again. Weird little things. So, now...to not think about things, I'm just working. Zoning out. The day of the funeral will be the worst.

We'll Miss You Jeffro!

Court, Sam, Dave, Jeff

It was always the four of us in college. Years later Sam and Jeff got married. It was no surprise to us because even back then we knew that Jeff was in love with Sam. Jeff had the best laugh. He was the life of the party. He was so nice and everybody wanted to be his friend. He was an amazing stepfather to Sam's daughter, Kara. He was just freaking awesome. =)

Jeff died on Saturday. He was driving home from work and a woman going the other direction somehow lost control of her car, crossed the median and hit him head on. She walked away with scratches.

I found out yesterday about noon. I was in shock. I couldn't even fathom this world without Jeff in it. Last night we went to Razorback Pizza (where Jeff and Sam both worked part time) and celebrated Jeff's life. Basically...we all got drunk. It was bitter sweet. Our college pals came up to join us. Most of us hadn't seen each other in years. Everyone was saying, "It's so great to see you! Wait...it actually sucks to see you right now."

Please pray for Samantha. The funeral should be tomorrow or Wednesday.

Bittersweet reunion.

Death By Sausageball. No really...

So, Rach and I are having our regular Fri night movie night...only we haven't watched a movie yet. =) We are DYING from all the sausage and cheese we have consumed. We had a little sausage ball cookoff. A couple of weeks ago we discovered we had two different ways to make them. So, tonight...for lack of something better to do (and eat), we made both of our versions of sausage balls. OMG. Soooo sick!

Rach's version of sausage balls:

Her Recipe:

2 c. bisquick
1 lb sausage
12 oz cheddar cheese
2/3 c milk

Preheat oven to 400. Mix milk and bisquick until doughy. Add cheese and uncooked sausage. Squish it all together. Then roll into walnut sized balls. Bake for about 20 minutes. It's different with each oven, so just make sure to keep an eye on them.

Court's version of sausage balls:

My Recipe:

3 c. bisquick

1 lb sausage (I prefer hot...)

16 oz bag cheddar cheese

Preheat oven to 350. Cook sausage and drain. Mix sausage, cheese and bisquick together. Roll into walnut size balls. Place on cookie sheet and bake for 20 - 30 minutes.

Winner: MINE! Hehe. I kinda cheat on mine. To make them extra tasty, I don't drain all the sausage grease and I use extra cheese. They're gut busters, but OH SO YUMMY! =)

Here's some pics of me & Rach tonight.

Court's balls are better than mine?!

Trying to get the dogs into the pic with us...

Our "Olan Mills" photo shoot. =)

Insomina rocks my socks...

Not really. So, it's 12:51 a.m. and I can't sleep. Maybe it's because I was uber lazy today (yesterday...er, Sunday) and slept til noon? Who knows. Whatever the reason, I'm up. I finished my book earlier today and don't feel like starting a new one right now. I've checked the Oscar website to see who the big winners were (Yay Diablo Cody and Glen Hansard/Marketa Irglova!) So, now what? I guess I'll finally get around to the Book Meme...the one that Jenn tagged me for days ago.

Here are the Rules:
1. Pick up the nearest book (of at least 123 pages).
2. Open the book to page 123.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the next three sentences.
5. Tag five people & post a comment here once you post it to your blog, so I can come see.

There are two books of equal closeness to me: The Bible and an old journal stacked on top of one another. Which should I choose? I think I'll choose both. =)

The Old Journal. Page 123. Fifth sentence down:

"I grabbed the hand of the child closest to me. The tornado started to suck things out of the room and the children, all holding hands, were waving in the air like a flag. They looked like paper dolls."

That was written on Tuesday, August 1st, 2000. I was describing a dream I had about a tornado. I've always been terrified of tornados. Sigh. I was kinda hoping for something juicier than that! =)

The Bible. Page 123. Exodus 24:7-9:

"Then he took the Book of the Covenant and read it to the people. They responded, "We will do everything the Lord has said; we will obey." Moses then took the blood, sprinkled it on the people and said, 'This is the blood of the covenant that the Lord has made with you in accordance with all these words.'"

The Bible passage was much more dramatic than my journal entry. Why you gotta steal my thunder, God?! Hehe. So, basically the important part of that passage is that the people had to agree to OBEY the Lord before they could enter into a covenant with Him. Very interesting! =)

Now I'm supposed to tag five people...but since I've already messed up the rules by posting entries from two different books, I think I'll continue with my rebellion and not tag anyone at all.

A sad bit of news...
One of my old friends, Greta...her husband died Friday. Greta is 9 months pregnant and actually due this week. I went to the funeral visitation today. When I hugged her, she said, "Hello Courtney, how are you?" (WHAT?! She's asking about me?!) I said, "I'm fine. How are you doing? How that little man (in her belly)?" She said, "I'm fine. He's fine. We're going to be fine." Wow. I can't help but think that she's in shock. That the reality of losing her husband...of her child never having a chance to meet his father...that she has to raise this child all on her own...just hasn't hit her yet. At the same time, the Greta I knew (it's been a while since I've seen her) was a strong, independent woman and I think she will be fine. The card I bought her said, "Why God? Why this? Why now?" Of course, there are no real answers to those questions. Just things like, "God's will" or "God's timing", etc. The truth is that we're not supposed to understand God. While I was waiting in line to reach her and offer my condolences, I was literally shaking. I was so scared...so nervous. I had no idea what I was going to say to her. I was silently praying, "Lord, forgive me for thinking of myself at this time (b/c I was so scared). Please give the words of comfort..." But, when I got to her, she asked about ME. She seemed so calm, so...OKAY. I could only shake my head in wonder. I told her I loved her and that I'm always here for her and then walked away so that the next person in line could speak with her. As I walked away, I felt reassurred. God is in control. This awful thing has happened to my friend, but God is still in control and he's going to comfort and take care of Greta. Again, wow. Greta is an amazing woman. I know she is going to have a lot of rough times ahead of her, but she is a strong woman who loves the Lord with all her heart. She will be fine.